July 22, 2004 -- THE power-moguls and political
heavyweights now luxuriating at ultra-exclusive
retreat Bohemian Grove are unaware that they're
being waited on hand-and-foot by a famous gay porn
star.
We're told that "Chad Savage," who
has appeared in such carnal classics as "How
the West Was Hung," is supplementing his sex
job by working as a valet at Bohemian Grove, the
all-male annual gathering inside a 2,700-acre
redwood forest in Monte Rio, Calif., that has been
attended by every Republican president since
Calvin Coolidge, as well as by industrial titans
and media magnates.
"All of us valets in the Grove are
tittering about it," says our Bohemian
blabbermouth. "To think there's all these
powerful conservative guys having their drinks and
food served to them by a gay porn star. He makes
their beds and attends to their every need — and
they have no idea who he really is."
Bigwigs who have attended the two-week retreat
include George H.W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Alan
Greenspan, Walter Cronkite, Newt Gingrich,
Alexander Haig, Jack Kemp, Henry Kissinger, Colin
Powell, John Major, William F. Buckley, and former
C.I.A. director William Casey.
Savage is at the Grove under his real name —
which we wouldn't reveal to Grove spokesman Sam
Singer, because we didn't want the valet to lose
his job. But Singer said the club didn't care
about his past. "All that matters is that the
valets do good service," he said.
"That's really all that matters."
Savage sure knows how to provide
"service." When he starred in "How
the West Was Hung" in 1999, one reviewer
wrote that he wore a "beatific grin"
while engaging in an orgy, and added that his
"youthful enthusiasm is entirely
winning."
When they're not listening to policy speeches,
"Bohos" are known to urinate freely in
the redwoods and perform mock-druidic rituals that
revolve around a 40-foot-tall stone owl. In one
ritual, called "Cremation of Care,"
members wearing red-hooded robes cremate a coffin
effigy of "Dull Care" at the base of the
owl altar.
While the club has claimed its share of
accomplishments — Grovers privately boast that
the Manhattan Project to develop the atom bomb was
conceived on its grounds — its oddball
activities aren't for everyone. Richard Nixon once
famously described the gathering as "the most
faggy goddamned thing you could ever
imagine."
ORIGINAL
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